knowitowl | [Video] Ask Wan Shi Tong

[True to his word, all of Luceti will be greeted today with a view of the resident library owl.]

Greetings Luceti. It is the end of the month, and thus time for the first session of my advice column, Ask Wan Shi Tong. I have received three questions and I will address each one of them.

The first one is as follows:

Great Wan Shi Tong,

Can you please tell me how to craft a gracious and sincere apology?

Oh wait, never mind.

You don't know how.

Sincerely-

A concerned Lucetian.

[There is a moment's pause before he decides to answer.]

Despite the snide remark, I must admit that I am not accustomed to issuing apologies. I am usually not required to do so, especially in instances where I can not remember what took place. I am sorry that it was not satisfactory for you.

Moving on. The second question is this:

Dear Mr. Owl,

I am curious as to how many licks it takes to get to the center of a tootsie pop?

Sincerely,
Mr.W

[Wan Shi Tong is deadpan as ever as he addresses this particular question.]

Let's find out, shall we?

[And now the view pans over to where an unwrapped Tootsie Pop from the grocery has been set up so that it is suspended. Wan Shi Tong's Knowledge Seeker then coming into view as he walks over and sits beside it.]

My Knowledge Seeker will be the one to test this. I will count.

[With that said, the fox begins to take one lick of the candy at a time.]

One... Two... Three...

[This continues for some time.]

One hundred and ninety five... One hundred and ninety six... One hundred and ninety seven... Ah... it seems that the center has been reached. There you have it. One hundred and ninety seven licks precisely.

[The view then turns back to Wan Shi Tong himself.]

And the final question is this:

Dear Wan Shi Tong,

I have heard you are quite a knowledgeable spirit, and some might consider this a bit embarrassing but...how do you get someone you care about to commit?

[There is a blink of his large dark eyes.]

Clearly the best option is to discuss this with the person in question and establish a deadline. If your partner does not wish to commit in the set amount of time, it would be best to move on.

[There is a pause.]

That is all the questions I have. I hope my answers have been satisfactory. I will continue with another session at the end of next month. Until then, you may continue to submit your questions.

That is all.

[And with that, the feed ends.]

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

You're a talking bird.

[ Yes, that's followed with a blank look from the younger girl as she stares down at her journal. She's not imagining this, is she? ]

[He is a bit indignant at this.]

I am a spirit.

[ Doesn't seem phased by it, but merely a bit more curious. ]

Spirit--a Djinn? [ They always look strange, though a bit humanoid in nature. ]

Possibly. Many worlds have different meanings for that word.

Are you bound to a Dungeon? [ That will answer that for her. ]

I inhabit my library, but I am certainly not bound there.

A free spirit? [ She's trying to keep up, but she's a bit uneducated. ]

Is that why you have decided to speak to me today, Great Wan Shi Tong of the Library Kingdom?

I beg your pardon? I wasn't speaking to anyone in particular. My advice column is for everyone to see.

I'm still learning how these books work.

So because you wished for everyone to see, I was included? Is that how it works?

Everyone automatically sees every entry in these journals. Unless otherwise specified.

... why would anyone care how many licks it takes to get to the center of a lollipop?

[He doesn't get it.]

I do not know. It is certainly strange knowledge, but knowledge nonetheless.

Yeah, but I don't know how useful knowledge like that would be. I mean, I know I don't count stuff like that when I'm eating.

There is a saying that "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder." In this case, I would assume the usefulness of the knowledge is more relevant to the person who asked.

That's a good point... I hadn't thought of it that way. It still seems like a strange question to ask, though.

I agree. It is not the type of question I would have expected.

I guess someone just really, really wanted to know about lollipops and didn't want to eat one themselves.

Edited 2014-08-19 18:55 (UTC)

Well, that was some random knowledge you gave out there Hooters.

[A hundred and ninety seven licks was it? Neato burrito. Though he totally missed the point. Oh well, a sense of humour is not something that--]

Oh man. That is a good idea.

[Totally right?]

Mmmmmhmmmm. That will certainly roxxers my soxxers. Cool beans.

...

Your manner of speaking is confusing. Is that some sort of slang?

Sure is, feathers. I can slang with the best of em.

Consider me a master of a variety of tongues, and I know a few languages, if you know what I mean, eh eh eh!

...

No, I do not.

Your loss feathers. You are totes missing out.

If you say so.

[He is not convinced.]

Duh. I am saying so. I thought owls had good hearing or something.

[Get with it giant bird thing]

...

There is nothing wrong with my hearing.

[So Teddy might have gotten to get something to eat while all the questions were going on thanks to the Tootsie Pop question. But in the end, he raises his eyebrows and gives a faint, impressed whistle.]

Always wanted an answer to that from an actual owl.

And why is that?

[He is still struggling to find the relevance in such a question.]

[Teddy can't help grinning a little, chin in his hand as he glances up and thinks about a certain commercial from his childhood.]

When I was a kid, and for years, they used to play this commercial on TV for tootsie pops. This kid would go up to a turtle and go, "Mr. Turtle, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop?" "I'm too old", or... something, the turtle said, and he tells the kid to go to the owl. The kid pretty much asks what's in the letter, and the owl goes like, "Let's find out. 1... 2... 3...", but then he bites into the tootsie pop instead, and says the answer is three. So, a lot of people never knew how many licks it took.

[Do you see why it's funny now eh eh eh]

...

I see.

So this question was merely a parody.

[He doesn't sound particularly amused.]

Yeah, sounds like it.

[...]

I didn't do it, by the way. I just found it kind of... not gonna lie, it was kind of funny.

[Video] Ask Wan Shi Tong - Volume 1

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